The New Normal
Turns out I hate feeling confined. I guess I knew that, but I’ve been hit in the gut with it the past couple days.
If I consider quarantine too closely, I feel claustrophobic. The idea that I can’t go anywhere. It reminds me of how I always thought I’d feel on a cruise. But once I went on one, I didn’t end up feeling like that at all. Being out on the high seas actually made me feel free and limitless.
This is a different animal.
I don’t want to complain and I know I have no right to. This is so much more serious than my discomfort. People are sick and dying. People are on the front lines fighting an invisible demon, dealing with exhaustion, heartbreak and trauma.
But in some way, we’re all on an underworld journey right now. Regardless of circumstances, the fight, flight or freeze is no joke. It takes its toll on the system. I’ve been finding it hard to think straight. Work + childcare + all day togetherness + uncertainty + stress has its challenges. The whole world is upside down. We’ve never been here before. It is confusing to navigate.
Today I sat in the hot tub by myself for a while. I called a friend and we FaceTimed. We’d been planning on talking for a year but never got to it. Funny that this is what it took. After we hung up I tried to decompress. I didn’t have much luck, even sitting in a hot tub. I was lonely for the world we left behind. A world with hugs and partner dancing. Gloveless grocery store trips. Live music, people packed in tight, experiencing transcendence together.
New ways are evolving. Ultimately, I do believe this is for our Highest Good. I don’t mourn the old structures; they needed to crumble. But it all seems so precious now, doesn’t it? And so far away. What will life be like when we return to “normal”? What will be normal?
