Emerging

We’ve all grown a lot in a year haven’t we? It feels like a dog year for sure - seven years of learning packed into those 365 days. We cleaned and cleared. Streamlined and simplified. Faced demons and got in touch with what’s really important. We endured brutal loss, said goodbye to so much, and were brought to our knees over and over again, in a spiral loop that seemingly had no end. 

In our little corner of the world, Joe and I battened down the hatches and went internal. We screamed to the heavens, counted our blessings, and did our work. We learned to turn off the goddamn news, bonded deeply as a family, made some new music, and binge watched lots of shows. We explored more outdoor places than I knew existed in LA, and appreciated all the little things that (turns out) aren’t little things at all. Laughter. Sunsets. Family jams and three-person pool parties. The sweetness of a four year old running through water sprinklers in the front yard, painting rocks and sidewalks, building a homemade birdhouse, and watching birds come to visit. We planted things. Got back into therapy. Experienced deep loneliness and existential despair. Cried so many tears. 

We fucking got through this bitch. All of us. In whatever ways we could. We have all grown up and grown on, and now life is changing again.

Last week I received my first dose of the vaccine and Joe gets his tomorrow. To say we are excited at the prospect of rejoining the world, seeing family and friends in person, giving and receiving an actual hug...would be an understatement. And yet, there’s a part of me that mourns this sweet chrysalis, a tiny part that wants to stay in the cocoon just a little longer, or at least, wants the option to return. I think we all have that now. If nothing else, the pandemic gave us all permission. Permission to drop the bullshit, to tune in and follow our inner voices. More than permission, really. It was an imperative. 

I don’t want life to go back to “normal” if “normal” is running at breakneck speed, losing sight of what is important, careening through life, barely holding it together for some unidentified seemingly important reason that everyone’s forgotten. The habitualness of mindlessness. We’ve got to take something with us from this time, right? 

Can we agree: Let’s move softly into the next phase, shall we? Let’s remember the lessons. Practice humility, pray for grace, model maturity and for God’s sake, be kind to one another. We’ve all been through the battle. We are all weary. But we’re also stronger than ever. Let’s not seek to go back to normal, but to courageously step forward and BE the new.