Deep Dive

Summer’s almost over and I hope everyone had a good one. We just returned from a week’s vacation in the Central Coast of California. It’s so beautiful and relaxing up there. It was wonderful to let it all go and chill. Next week my daughter starts a new school and we’ll all have a brand new schedule to adjust to. I’m taking this week as a gentle re-entry into “real” life, deliberately flying a little under the radar and quietly recalibrating, in preparation for the quicksilver pace of the Fall.  

These last few months have been so interesting. I’ve been doing a deep dive into some inner work. The time has come. You know when you get that message? Your inner voice whispers -- it’s TIME -- do the next level of excavation! This stuff is embedded pretty down deep in the bedrock, but I feel it loosening and dissolving rather willingly. It’s not stressful or traumatic, like it might have been in the past. I don’t feel constantly triggered, I’m not acting out, or in despair. This time around there’s more of a healthy distance, as if I’m taking an observer’s birds eye view. It’s like:

Ok. I see I still have some BS to overcome....Let’s get in there and do this.

I am clear that I won’t (can’t) move fully into my next incarnation without some junk removal. I’ve been calling in helpers, seen and unseen, to assist with this work, and they’re showing up, right on time. It’s kind of amazing how one thing - a course, a teacher, a podcast, an article, or even a conversation, has been leading to another. Somehow, they’re all related and all working to heal the parts of me that need healing. It’s like I’m in the Divine Flow, or something!

While I’ve been almost completely stopped around my writing (specifically, the book I’m working on) for some time, I’m not forcing it or bashing myself for not being where I want to be - instead, I’m exploring the why of it with curiosity: What’s in the way of this expression of myself that I want to realize and share with the world? I’m committed to building Rachel 3.0 and I’m quite certain she’s almost here.  She just needs a little more coaxing.

So right now my focus is moving through blocks and limitations with gentleness and grace. That, and still showing up, even when I don’t want to…committing to daily practices. Asking for help and guidance. Choosing courage and ignoring the involuntary loop that tries to protect me by talking me out of the next right steps.

It’s too hard, It’s not important, You don’t have enough time… and who cares what you have to say, anyway! 

I’m realizing a lot of these voices aren’t even mine. They were inherited, possibly downloaded straight from my DNA. I’m able to identify them now, to catch them and question them. And throw them back if I don’t like them. No, thank you. Because guess what? I don’t want them anymore. It’s time to put on my big girl panties and move forward. No one is stopping me but myself. And I don’t need to do that anymore.

I get to live my best life right now. I get to trust my intuition and follow my gut. I get to change, transform, explore, and leave behind what no longer works. It’s a process that doesn’t happen overnight, but in partnership with Spirit, I know I’m steadily growing into the Woman I wish to become.